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Sunday, 22 November 2009

To Earn His Love

Been thinking lately, might be good, might be bad. Most of my friends on Xanga know my daughter, Heidi, also has a blog. She was the one who got me started originally. She has dropped away now, using other sources to connect, which is fine. But, she did a post not too long ago about her recent breakup with her boyfriend. It's been a rough stretch for her. She fell pretty hard, dating for about 10 months, going into it with long term plans, thinking he was the one. Hindsight is always 20/20, as they say. Today I think about things that should have been warning signs that all was not healthy in the land of love . . .

When she began the relationship, he was very attentive. Texting, calling, it was an all-the-time thing (to the point that it drove the rest of us crazy with the interruptions). His interest and attention helped her to finally pull away emotionally from a bad relationship. The previous relationship was one that left us feeling helpless & frustrated as parents. She continued bending over backwards for this guy even though he was borderline abusive. She was trying to earn his love. After boyfriend #2 arrived on the scene, things seemed better. She was happy, glowing from the inside out. However, after about 6 months, things started to cool. He didn't seem interested in spending time with us, her family, always requiring that she go his direction. As time passed, there was less give and more take, she was doing more and more for him all the time, trying to earn his love. We had a few discussions then, but as before, Heidi was unwilling to see the caution signs. The guy had better character (or so we thought), but the behavior was still the same, both from Heidi and the guy.

So, I have to wonder, is it the guys or is it my daughter? As the old saying goes, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

I am a "mover & a shaker" here at home. I serve my family, keeping things moving so we don't drown in dishes or laundry. I am the motivator for the homeschooling. If Brian calls with a need from the milk route, I drop everything and run for parts or help or whatever. If Gram calls because she needs something, either I or one of the kids are right there to help. Every morning (as the schedule permits), Matt & I are usually down there for breakfast to help her start her day and to read her the paper or anything else that needs attention. Then there are my folks. Dad went through his rehab after his motorcycle accident a couple of summers ago, but he is 68 and we are seeing memory lapses and less agility. Mom is dealing with nerve issues around her spine, causing pain in her hips. Her motivation is still very high, but her mobility is not what it used to be, which frustrates her. We are only a couple of miles away and often go to help if they tell us. We help Steve & Nan, good friends who have no one else to call for larger tasks. We also help out at the church as needed. So, you see, our lives revolve around the people in our lives, hopefully with a heart of genuine service.

This is not necessarily a bad thing, as long as we keep the proper attitude: realizing that no one is indispensable, that it's not healthy for any relationship to be overly dependent in one direction, that it should not be a "glory trip", or a means to earn another's love. I consider it a privilege to help out, a means to show our love in service. I'm sure that Heidi's motives were also good, at least at first. But things change, this is how we learn & grow, even in painful relationships. My prayer is that she has matured so that if & when the time is right, and the Lord sends along a lifetime companion. Someone who will appreciate her gift of service without taking advantage of it -- someone who shares her heart for service. This is the stuff that good relationships are built on, self-respect and commitment to the relationship and to others.

It is a pattern we take from Christ. He came to give for us. We could not earn his love but we can show our acceptance of it in service to others. Anything less is selfishness.

Show a little appreciation today ~ Terri

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Hi there:

Got a "cutie" with a little too much truth . . .

How Gubmint Works

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said, "Someone may steal from it at night". So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.

Then Congress said, "How are these people going to get paid?" So they created the following positions, a time keeper and a payroll officer. Then they hired two people.

Then Congress said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired three people, and Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, "We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $18,000 over budget, we must cutback overall cost." So they laid off the night watchman.

Now, slowly, let it sink in. . . . .

Quietly we go like sheep to slaughter.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the Department of Energy during the Carter Administration? Anybody?? Anything?? No? Didn't think so!

Bottom Line: We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency . . . the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember! Ready?? It was very simple, and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8-4-77, to lesson our dependence on foreign oil.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh??? And now, it's 2009 -- 32 years later -- and the budget for this "necessary" department is at $24.2 billion a year. They have 16,000 Federal employees and approximately 100,000 contract employees; and look at the job they have done!

(This is where you slap your forehead and say, "What was I thinking?")

Ah, yes -- good ole bureaucracy.

Terri

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

The Next Step

I'm feeling very uneasy about all the healthcare plans in Washington. I don't necessarily want to turn this post into a political "rant", but it's been on my mind a lot lately. I find it amazing those who voted for Obama now make the claim, "We had no idea he would be so radical!" It's all I can do to keep from saying, "well, duh!"

Our radio wakes us up in the morning. On Saturday, when the reporter announced that the House had passed their version of a massive healthcare overhaul, with the quote from Nancy Pelosi about "this historic day", I wanted to believe I was still dreaming a bad dream. This, of course, does not make it law -- yet. The Senate must reach some sort of agreement on their own version, and then the two bills have to reach a point of compromise. But, the fact that we are one more step in the wrong direction just about makes me nauseated. Our government has proposed legislation in the past which takes our money, our choice and threatens jail with non-compliance (I'm thinking of income taxes, but I'm sure there are others), but never on this scale, on such a massive level with such huge implications for everyone.

My daughter has suggested sometime soon, I should do a post on homeschooling. I may. But, I cannot help but compare our current educational bureaucracy (and mess) with what they want to do with medicine. This is our health, the quality of our life. Do we really want a doctor to consult some government manual about what he can or cannot do, based on what will be allowed or what we can afford? Most of those in favor of a government takeover just see "free" healthcare for all. Nothing is ever free . . .

Just yesterday, I read a story about a preemie born in England. The British have established rules for the gestation period. In other words, if a child is born at 22 weeks, life saving measures can be applied. This child was born at 21 weeks, 5 days, which is 2 days short according to the guidelines. The doctors denied care even though the mother asked for it. The child could not survive without intervention, the mother held her daughter for two hours until she died with the doctors nearby, watching. How cold is that? The mother is out to change things, the NHS (National Health Service) is doing some backpedaling, so here we go. Now the British Assoc. of Perinatal Medicine is claiming "'the guidelines were not meant to be a set of instructions'. But guidelines soon become protocols and protocols morph into rules; rules that if broken, require explanations and result in discipline for the rule-breaker. Rules that, if followed, save the NHS millions of pounds."

Today's medical advances are wonderful. Science has increased lifespan and quality of life. We have all benefited by the knowledge that has been gained, but it doesn't come without a price. A few hundred years ago, I would not be expected to live much past my current age. It was unheard of for a person to live as long as my Grandmother, who will turn 85 later this month, to even still be alive. Somehow, we need to achieve a balance, to respect the dignity of a life as opposed to the medical cost of maintaining that life. We also need to achieve an acceptance, of the idea that this life is temporary. No matter how many more additional years science may eventually give us, sooner or later we will still share the same destination.

Our government cannot resolve these issues simply by passing mandates and laws, just look at the abortion debate. A lot has been resolved there -- not!

Stay informed. Get involved. Know the issues and as the Senate version comes to light, lets bring some sanity to this discussion.

Friends ~ Terri

Wednesday, 04 November 2009

A Walk in the Cemetery

This past summer, Brian & I have been more diligent about walking. A walk around our country block is about 2 miles, it takes us about 35-40 minutes. We walk over 2 bridges, through woods, past wetlands & fields, on both dirt & pavement, on flat ground and over a couple of hills. For such a small area, we enjoy a lot of variety! Add to this a walkman with our favorite tunes and the companionship of doing this together and it's just about perfect! Unfortunately, now with the time change and the cooler temps, we aren't as consistent, but we do the best we can. (And it won't be cold forever!)

Anyway, last week Thursday evening, I had to drop Meg off at the church for her instruction class (catechism). Steven went along and I dropped him off at the wireless place with the new laptop. Then I went on down the street to the cemetery to walk. I decided this would be a good place to get in half and hour or so with the walkman. It had good paths, no traffic, only a few other people around. It was fascinating to read the tombstones while I walked. I unintentionally started toward the older part of the cemetery when I began. I was reading names & dates of people that were born around the early 1800's, buried about 100 years ago. It was amazing to consider that these people lived during the early settling days of our area, they came through the Civil War (and were profoundly affected by it, I'm sure). They served the community in various occupations, lived through different political crisis, had personal ups & downs. In short: They had a story. Each of these people who were buried had a story worth telling, worth listening to. And unless it was written down and perhaps appreciated by the remaining family members, their story, their life experiences are gone. We can only imagine the possibilities today.

As I walked toward the newer end of the cemetery, I was startled a few times to recognize the names of people I knew. Souls whose life overlapped mine, who at some point are a part of my memories. It was a good reminder just how we are all interconnected whether we realize it or not. I was also touched by the special stone that has been erected in memory of the victims of abortion. That one got me to thinking not only about the babies but their mothers and the secret pain they may still carry deep inside their hearts, a pain only the Lord can heal now. . . .

It's humbling to realize that when it's all said and done, all that's left to show for our life is a stone. It makes you feel very insignificant. We try so hard in this life to leave our mark, to advance humankind, to impact the world around us, but when it all comes down to it, what does it matter? Does this mean I think we should just throw it all to the wind and do whatever we want? Of course not. We need to live in appreciation of the time, of this irreplaceable resource. We should not waste a minute.

King Solomon said it best, I think: "Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher, vanity of vanities! All is vanity." Eccl 1:2 (the word vanity is difficult to translate, but literally, the word means "vapor". ESVST). God is our only ultimate hope in this temporary world, may we recognize His hand and guidance in our lives.

And I just wanted a little exercise . . . .

Savor the moment ~ Terri

Wednesday, 28 October 2009

Xanga vs. Facebook
I've been hearing a lot lately about how many people have joined Facebook, how it's the largest site on the net these days, blah, blah, blah. It seems like everybody that's anybody has a page on it.
Heidi set me up with a page. It's fine, she actually uses it more than I do. I am more comfortable on Xanga. I am familiar with it, so some of the issue is me actually becoming familiar with Facebook, which I do intend to do soon. Another reason I am reluctant to give it much time right now is because of our slow system -- (I know, I called Embarq a few months back and they're talking about another year or so for our region. I'm too cheap to sink a lot of $$ into our service, so we'll just wait.)
A couple of summers back, I went to my 25 yr. class reunion. It was a bomb. Never again. Beyond that, everyone was exchanging computer addresses. One of the "movers & shakers" was pushing hard for everyone to stay connected on Facebook. Whatever. So, Heidi sets me up a while ago, I never even gave this whole incident any thought. Low & behold, within a few days, my new site is being bombarded with old acquaintances (notice the word "friends" is stretching it?), people I really don't care to know their every move or thought, who are ancient history. It was overwhelming, especially as I was just learning the site. Heidi went in an totally restricted my site to people who I actually know. A friend from college, a few cousins, etc. I think I will be ready to loosen the restrictions eventually, but . . . Anyway, because of all of this, the people who actually read me on Facebook, know me. They are people who might be hurt if I start up a rant against homosexuality, Obamacare or any other hot topic. This has the potential to affect the relationships of the people around me. Therefore, I feel inhibited on Facebook. I would like to just "lay it on the line" like I do at times here, but I don't feel that I can.
Why do you think Heidi goes in on my site at Facebook and does stuff? Because she can be incongnito. It's kind of the same principle.
So, for all you people who think it's not worth it keep two sites or more open, all I can say is whatever. You know your time limitations and obligations, you need to do what works for you. As for me, I intend to keep both sites going. There are some posts on Xanga that I really don't want to lose, stuff that goes back awhile. If you do eventually have a Facebook site, let me know. Friends made are friends worth keeping (unless you're an ancient classmate )
Just jumping on ~ Terri